Monsters Dudes and Pizza Parties

Metro City psychiatrist Dr. Baxter Finkelstein alleges two police officers ransacked his office and assaulted his person last Wednesday.

Finkelstein, a minor public hero for his efforts to rehabilitate unwed mothers as part of Counciman J. Perdue Worthman’s “welfare to work” program, states that at about 3:30PM on Wednesday two police officers threatened his secretary, starting the encounter.

“The officers threatened my assistant and then kicked in my door!” stated Finkelman. “They then proceded to dig through my files, and when I protested they put a krugerrand on my face and punched me! It’s my professional opinion that these gentlemen need help. They absolutely reeked of booze.”

Police Commissioner Charles Hammer did not comment on the matter, save to state that he was “too old for [this] shit.”

The officers’ identities have not been disclosed.

Enchanted.  Lightly used.  Will sell for 1000gp or trade for helmet (visored helmet only) and a quantity of grease.  Have armor, sack, other items for sale as well.  All lightly used, some bloodstains.

Contact me at: Portcullis trap, Illithid Sewers, Evil Node of Elemental Water.  (1d3 hour horse ride SW of Nulb).

[woodcut: Druid harassing innocent townfolk]

“Druids definitely did all of that stuff” claimed Scooter Treelovin early on Saturday morn, in reference to the mysterious black smoke that filled the Augustinkirke in Tournai.  Treelovin, a third level cleric and traveler from the Interdicted Lands, claimed in an interview as he exited the church that “he heard shouts from Father Bacon for help and he went inside the church and there were like, these druids that threw the priest and some altar boys in that weird hole you keep in the back.  Then they set a bunch of shit on fire.”

Treelovin, a complete stranger to these parts, did not indicate how he knew Father Bacon, nor did he provide explanations for his slime-caked clothing, the jingling sounds emanating from his pack, nor the three matchlock muskets tucked under one arm.  

When informed of the fact that druids had been wiped out of the area nearly a thousand years ago by Thothe the Sacred, Papal Malleum to Pope Trismestes VI, Treelovin replied “yeah, the druids definitely looked old.  Like really old.  [Presumed companions] Stank Williams Jr, Carlo Rossi and Rowdy Roddy Pooper can totally back me up on the whole druid thing.  You, uh, haven’t seen them around, have you?  They probably came out of the church about two hours ago covered in blood.  I could use some help carrying all of this shit.  That definitely didn’t come from in there.”

Though witnesses to any violent or unexplained phenomena are usually held for questioning, Acting Watchman Hern stated that he believed Treelovin’s account of the events. “T’weren’t like he did it or nothin’” Hern said.  “‘E had this way about ‘im made you wont to trust him, like you figger you could leave yer gruit, yer wife and yer harvestgeld around him for a fortnight and they’d all be right where ye left ‘em.  I been searching around the old circle in the commons for clues.  I’m sure we’ll figger this out.  We’re a quiet town with nothin’ t’hide.”

The Church appears to have been looted of weapons, armor and firearms.  Father Bacon and two of the acolytes are missing.  Evidence of Druidic activity includes fire damage to much of the artwork inside the church and pieces of the third acolyte, believed to be Georges Wattren, age 11. The druids fled the scene before the town watch roused to action.  Treelovin and his presumed companions were unavailable for further questions.

A geographically (within the US) distrbuted G+ hangout game via roll20 using James Raggi’s Lamentations of the Flame Princess rules.

Setting is basically weird/grim early 16th century Europe (because I am lazy).

Regional capital is Vornheim (from Zak Smith’s module/book/toolset thing, again with the lazy)

This is now a blog about tabletop games that me and some nerds do.  Because it’s p. much entirely about monster dudes.  And there’s usually pizza.