[woodcut: Druid harassing innocent townfolk]
“Druids definitely did all of that stuff” claimed Scooter Treelovin early on Saturday morn, in reference to the mysterious black smoke that filled the Augustinkirke in Tournai. Treelovin, a third level cleric and traveler from the Interdicted Lands, claimed in an interview as he exited the church that “he heard shouts from Father Bacon for help and he went inside the church and there were like, these druids that threw the priest and some altar boys in that weird hole you keep in the back. Then they set a bunch of shit on fire.”
Treelovin, a complete stranger to these parts, did not indicate how he knew Father Bacon, nor did he provide explanations for his slime-caked clothing, the jingling sounds emanating from his pack, nor the three matchlock muskets tucked under one arm.
When informed of the fact that druids had been wiped out of the area nearly a thousand years ago by Thothe the Sacred, Papal Malleum to Pope Trismestes VI, Treelovin replied “yeah, the druids definitely looked old. Like really old. [Presumed companions] Stank Williams Jr, Carlo Rossi and Rowdy Roddy Pooper can totally back me up on the whole druid thing. You, uh, haven’t seen them around, have you? They probably came out of the church about two hours ago covered in blood. I could use some help carrying all of this shit. That definitely didn’t come from in there.”
Though witnesses to any violent or unexplained phenomena are usually held for questioning, Acting Watchman Hern stated that he believed Treelovin’s account of the events. “T’weren’t like he did it or nothin’” Hern said. “‘E had this way about ‘im made you wont to trust him, like you figger you could leave yer gruit, yer wife and yer harvestgeld around him for a fortnight and they’d all be right where ye left ‘em. I been searching around the old circle in the commons for clues. I’m sure we’ll figger this out. We’re a quiet town with nothin’ t’hide.”
The Church appears to have been looted of weapons, armor and firearms. Father Bacon and two of the acolytes are missing. Evidence of Druidic activity includes fire damage to much of the artwork inside the church and pieces of the third acolyte, believed to be Georges Wattren, age 11. The druids fled the scene before the town watch roused to action. Treelovin and his presumed companions were unavailable for further questions.